The Other Sides
by randomwriter96
Summary: The characters are not themselves...very not themselves. Complete personality changes upon the Hogwarts students. No plot! All humor!
1. Books and other fascinating things

The Other Sides  
  
randomwriter96  
  
Disclaimer: No money. AKA it would be useless to sue me. But I don't own the characters anyway. Tom Felton would be nice however...  
  
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[At Platform 9 and ¾...]  
  
It was a bright, sunny day. The sort of day you'd expect when you're excited to go to a school of wizardry. Yet not the sort of day to expect everyone to be...a tad different.  
  
"Ron? Hermione's late! It's half an hour before the train leaves! Do you think there's something wrong?" Harry clutched his spell books as if they were life supporters. His prescription had gotten worse over the summer...which meant larger glasses than usual. Which didn't exactly turn on the girls.  
  
"Eh?" Ron was currently walking with a "History of the Soil and How It Made A Great Foundation for Magical Wizarding Schools" in his face, deeply engrossed in it. Thereby, running his cart of luggage into many people. Harry vaguely heard Lavender and Parvati push hurriedly passed him saying things like "UGH! Divination! I can't STAND IT!" or a "Why don't we sign up for double potions again next year? I can't WAIT!". In the far corner of his mind, Harry absently wondered why anyone wouldn't want to take Divination.  
  
"Harry! Buddy old pal!" Malfoy waved jovially. Harry waved back just as jovially, and Ron held his head up for a second to kindly acknowledge him. Crabbe and Goyle were sporting matching glasses, which made them look goofier, if not semi-intelligent. They, too, were engrossed in books, though the ones they're studying is of extremely complex spells.  
  
"Oh, look Crabbe! A super difficult love potion...do you think we could use it to help us?"  
  
"No! We can't USE it! It's positively against the rules! You know how badly I want to be Head Boy. Besides, boomslang skin isn't allowed for us students. Completely against the rules,"  
  
"You're absolutely right Crabbe. Hmm...OH MY LORD, WHAT'S HAPPENED TO HERMIONE! I cannot bear to behold the disgrace..." Goyle turned his head, blushing furiously. Hermione walked through the barrier...wearing nothing but a very revealing tube top and a skirt that showed too much leg. And heels that made her legs look even longer. She immediately noticed Harry and Ron.  
  
"Harry! Ron! Yo!"  
  
"Huh?" Harry looked up, readjusting his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. His jaws fell open and he dropped his books. Ron looked at Harry, then looked up at the direction he was shakily pointed at, sputtering at a loss for words.  
  
"Agh...wh...her..." Ron absentmindedly carefully bookmarked his place, promptly dropped his book, and rushed over to drape his long coat around her and fasten it...uber-securely. Harry found words after much gulping.  
  
"HERMIONE! You are such a...a..."  
  
"Slut?" she let the word fall naturally out of her mouth.  
  
"Don't say that!" Harry blocked his ears briefly. Ron winced as badly as he would normally react to the word "Voldemort". Although he could endure "Voldemort" a teensy bit easier than "slut" or any other four-letter words.  
  
"Oh, you guys are NO fun at all! I'm guessing you guys just READ all summer," Hermione threw the long coat back at Ron and tossed her head, rolling her eyes.  
  
"As a matter of fact, we did," Harry said peevishly. "In fact, Ron and I even took a trip to America's capital city and browsed a bit through the Library of Congress, one of the biggest libraries ever, you know,"  
  
"....And how much would 'a bit' be?" Hermione let out a heavy sigh, knowing what the answer would be.  
  
"Just through a couple hundred court cases, how the Supreme Court worked, the different representatives of different branches over the past century, and-" Harry spouted.  
  
"OKAY! I get it!" Hermione flung her scarf over her neck, and yelled, "Who wants to help me with my luggage?" And struck a very naughty pose. Harry and Ron, speechless with horror, hurried off to take care of their own luggage. They narrowly missed the stampede of boys, crowding around Hermione's luggage (which roughly amounted to about 9 boys per suitcase), of which they were speechless (again) with shock to find Percy very actively involved in.  
  
After all the luggage was piled onto the train, the whistle blew. Harry and Ron struggled to heft all their "reading for pleasure" books, which included "The History of Magic Itself" and "10,000 Ways to Apply for the Ministry of Magic". They headed towards their usual last (very quiet) compartment, when they passed Hermione splayed on some boy's lap, making very loud, rude noises (which I'm sure I need not go into detail for). Harry promptly fainted. Ron turned white and gagged, gasping "WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO??"  
  
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Well, I know it's pretty short. But if you want more, just let me know.  
  
:o) -randomwriter96 


	2. The Fainting Wonder: Harry

The Other Sides  
  
randomwriter96  
  
Disclaimer: No money. AKA it would be useless to sue me. But I don't own the characters anyway. Tom Felton would be nice however...  
  
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[Off to Hogwarts...]  
  
*SLAP!*  
  
Harry felt a vague sting on his cheek.  
  
*SLAP!*  
  
It was beginning to sting even worse.  
  
*SLAP!*  
  
"Ow..."  
  
*SLAP!*  
  
"Malfoy, I think you've slapped him ENOUGH times now..." Harry painfully sat up and blinked furiously. Was that Ron?  
  
"Harry! You finally woke up! Jeez, my hand was beginning to hurt..." Draco wrung his hand. "You fainted...still not over the dementors yet, Potter?" He chortled. Harry rolled his eyes.  
  
"Very funny, Draco..." Harry said.  
  
"Anytime, Potter," Malfoy adjusted himself into a chair and picked up a book. Ron snickered as Harry turned his back to Draco and Ron to discreetly repair his glasses.  
  
"What?" Harry shoved his thick-rimmed glasses back on.  
  
"Nothing!" Ron was doing all he could to suppress his laughter, immediately flipping to a random page in "The Wonders of Baking Powder: A Guide to Wizardry Cooking."  
  
Harry started reorganizing his books alphabetically, then looked over to Ron again, glaring.  
  
"It's just that..." Ron skimmed his eyes quickly over the page he was "reading". "Uhh..baking powder is so white that it makes the snout of the African dung beetle look like a...powdered snow..angel," He finished lamely. To his great surprise (and thoughts of "Oh my god..."), Harry started laughing hysterically.  
  
"It is funny, isn't it? Haha..." Ron smiled weakly, while mentally throttling Harry, who didn't seem to stop laughing...ever..  
  
"No," Harry stopped abruptly. He looked at Ron darkly. Then glanced at Malfoy, who seemed oblivious to the whole situation. He was immersed in "How to Study for Your O.W.L.s and Your N.E.W.T.s."  
  
"Alrite...it's....it's...your robes," Harry immediately looked down on his robes, expecting bright polka dots, or even purple splotches. But it was normal. Black. Robey. Normal.  
  
"What's wrong with it?"  
  
"Other side, Harry..." Ron gestured with his eyes. Harry froze and his head slowly turned to inspect the back of his robes.  
  
"AHHHHHH!!!" Harry promptly fainted again.  
  
"Eh? What'd Potter do this time?" Malfoy muttered, peering more closely at a practice exam his book. Hmm..was the most important ingredient in a Transformation Potion a bezoar or a deeply fried toad?  
  
"Fainted..." Ron sighed.  
  
"The eight natural wonder of the world..." Malfoy didn't even blink. He was quite used to Harry's physical weaknesses now. Fainting, vomiting, all the works.  
  
And Harry did not faint because there was a rude picture cast on the back of his robes. He did not faint because the back of his robes turned acid green as well.  
  
He fainted because the back of his robes had split. Right down the middle starting from his lower back. Exposing his arse. His very bare arse.  
  
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It will be longer next time, I promise. :o) -randomwriter96 


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